Kerouac

I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion...
JACK KEROUAC

This is something that reminds me my own confusion.
I have been thinking about changing. Too many times, too many trials, and nothing happens. Changes come, pass by me and I'm still the same. I can even recognize my own pride, my stuborness. But not able to deal with tem, I keep on doing the sme things, the same mistakes.
I have thought a lot about many things and decided. I have to go to the shrimp. I can't deal with myself all alone. I need help. Perhaps it is nothing that serious. I'm just a person deprived of greediness. I don't care about the future. I keep here while the others go... I decided, again, I have to go ahead. I will keep contact with Miguel, he represents big promises, I keep on running away from him. I think I fear him. I have done this mistake once. It's enough. I won't...
Perhaps my daughter is right and I'm just too lazy to cope with things. I agree to some extent. I prefer to be told what to do when it means not having to decide what to eat or drink, but when it comes to important matters, it is different. I can't stand anybody telling me what to do, what to wear.
In fact, I recognize that people passed by me and found other pertners who can cope with distress and confusion. That's not my case. I'm sure it's bad for myself and for them. That's wht they leave and live happily forever after.
But I can't get out of myself. I can't just go. I have to satay and deal with it.
That's me.
Confusion, lack of concentration. What doctor. I must decide, now.